What is your love costing you?
Sometimes when we are given love and praise, especially as kids, we are learning that if we do the good or the right things we get shown love, affection & praise.
However do the opposite (i.e. the “wrong” thing) and that love and praise gets withdrawn. So we learn, and quickly, that love is transactional. “If I do this, I’ll be loved/accepted” etc.
Sadly, a lot of people keep these ideas with us and take them to adulthood.
“If I’m a good person, they will like me”
“If I do this, he/she will love me”
We start creating a cost of our own love. Our self love.
Which is why so many adults strive to achieve, but at a cost . At the expense of our own selves.
Our minds go along this road.. “I’ll do all these things for others, and they will see how helpful/useful/good I am and will love me, and that will make me feel good”.
Perhaps it will, but only momentarily. As the more you constantly prioritise the needs of others above the needs of yourself, the more your self talk tells you that you are not worthy. That others are always more important.
It’s always a good thing to help others, but it’s when that “helping” comes at a detrimental cost to you, that it becomes a problem.
Loving yourself doesn’t need to be earned. The negative talk we all have about not being good enough can be silenced. It just takes a little practice.
It can be just done, and it should be done. Frequently. The more you practice self love and self care, the easier it becomes, and the more you will be able to give to others, without losing sight of yourself.
Just Be You, Everyday